Saturday, November 14, 2009

Closing Up Shop

***Updated to add:  I didn't initialy plan to do this, but I have hidden most of my archives for now.  They are still available if you would like to read them.  Just email me at fullarmsfullheart (at) yahoo (dot) com and let me know who you are and where you blog. Please come visit me at my new blog! 

Almost 3 years at this blog and a full circle of writing.  It's kind of sad to leave.  Even if it's only a blog.  Even if I'm only moving one click away.

Since a few weeks after Eve was born, I've been feeling liberated at the thought of being finished with building our family and moving on with our lives.  I didn't expect to be okay with using contraception again and being finished having children when I'm only to two and I'd dreamed of four.  I figure who am I to be finished wanting what I wished for, prayed for, begged for night after night after night for years on end?  But I'm ready to fully let go of the drudge of infertility and the worries about will it or won't it be possible to have the family we envision. 

Lucky for me, my family feels complete as it is. It's something I didn't expect.  Even in the few weeks following Eve's birth, I figured I might have to talk Cristian into trying for another, but now I'm good.  Not as in settling good, but really, really happy and content with two children and I don't want to go back to the beginning anymore good.

Wow, it feels good to write that!  I feel like I can breathe easy again. 

I'm also ready to have an open blog.  Though I love being able to write unfiltered here--a place where I know my IRL friends won't be reading, I also figure that since infertility is no longer my struggle, there's very little that I would write that they shouldn't read anyway.  It doesn't mean I won't have those venting moments, but perhaps I'll utilize my drafts folder for those times.  I'm an open book, and closing this blog feels like I don't have to keep tabs on a secret chapter any longer.

I won't be writing here anymore, I don't think.  I reserve the right to change my mind.  I won't have this blog linked to my profile and I am contemplating PW protecting it at some point in the near future.  I can't, won't, shouldn't take it down.  This blog, my blog friends (read you) were my saving grace at a very dark time and during all the moments that followed for the past nearly 3 yeears.  I'm so glad I read Larisa's blog all those years ago and knew that starting a blog of my own was how I could exhale all that sorrow that weighed me down.

These days, it's difficult to remember what life was like before children.  Thankfully, I wrote it down here so I could be reminded. 

Turns out, it really sucked.

I feel like a different woman now, and I feel like I need a new place to write from this bright, shiny moment in my life. 

So I found myself a new blog.  It's bright and colorful just like my current life.  I went out on a limb and linked lots other blogs besides just IF blogs in my blogroll.  I'm branching out and moving on.  I'm forever on the other side of pregnant now.  I don't need this side any more. 

Goodbye old blog.  Thanks for getting me through.  Now to the blog that will take me home...

Please come visit me at my new digs:


hadjare said...

Aww I had just found you too -- in that we have such similar situations. I kept my IF blog in LJ land under lock and key and invited only women. Thankfully most of the women I met there have moved on in IF somehow (kids, adoption, childfree). But you are right, at this stage in life IF isn't really at the forefront anymore so sometimes blogs should move on.

I'll bookmark you at your new location (aka add to my reader). Congrats on the new stage in your life.

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I'm happy and sad to see you move from here. It's hard to put into words - it's my need for things to not keep moving forward until I'm ready.

But I'm happy you're ready - and that you are so full to the tippy top.

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I just found you too and I have to say that I love how you write. You really have a way with words. So eloquent. I will continue reading over at your new blog.

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